Oxheart

* * * Anxious Anus

In the heart of Houston, located in the historic warehouse district, in the erie city iron works building, on the corner of Nance Street, you'll find Oxheart.  It's a relatively new restaurant in Houston that uses local, seasonal ingredients.  It's fine dinnin' baby!  The restaurant is small and intimate with an open kitchen so anywhere you sit you'll be able to see the chef hard at work.  Each dish is served as if it were a piece of art!  Chef Justin Yu really comes up with some super creative, ah. maz. ing dishes, all with incredibly unique flavor combinations that just light up your palette!!!  His wife Karen Man is the baker and makes the pastries, which are also fantastic.  And Justin Vann is their phenomenal sommelier.  All are very friendly and come to your table to serve you throughout the night.

They only serve dinner and you can choose from 3 menus.  There is a vegetarian option so that was really nice for us!  It's a perfect restaurant for date night or to catch up with an old girlfriend.  The atmosphere is great, the decor is cozy, and you really can't beat the food and service!

Anyway, please check out their website to find out more about them because I'm afraid I don't have the vocabulary to give this place and the food justice.

Back to what this is all about . . . the BS (bathroom situation).

When you walk in you'll notice the door that has the letters WC (water closet).

For some reason I assumed that this one door was a unisex one-staller!  I  IMMEDIATELY started to panic. "Quick!, momma needs a draank!  Make it a strong one!"

Throughout my meal I kept wondering what was behind that door.  I was very nervous.  The good thing was that our reservations were at 5:30 so the place hadn't filled up yet and I felt comfortable with the ratio of people to potties at that point.  Once more people started showing up I started to get really anxious.

Genius husband suggested I check out what was behind that door, perhaps it was a door that led to several bathrooms.

Sure enough, it was!  Behind the WC door there was a separate women's and men's room.  The bathrooms were done up with graffiti on the wall, it was a very cute space!  It was very clean, but a tad on the small side.  No changing table or purse hook that I recall (honestly at that point I was just so relieved to find out their BS wasn't a unisex one-staller that I forgot to check!).

To sum it up, the BS was easy to find, easy access, very clean, a bit small, BUT the walls were thick and I felt very comfortable that no one could hear my shit!  The little hallway between the WC door and the women's room was also a nice buffer zone.

Love the restaurant, love the food, love the service, but the BS needs a little help.

Macy's

* * * * * Poophoria!

Guuuuuuuurl, I just found a jewel when it comes to BSs!

I visited the Woodlands Mall this weekend.  It's not a place I visit often so I really didn't know my way around, most importantly, I didn't know where the closest bathrooms were located at ALL TIMES as we shopped around!  When we looked on the mall map it only showed the bathrooms that were on the second floor.  I thought, "hmmmm, that can't be right . . . don't panic!"  But here I was on the first floor, no where near the escalators, and momma had to go!

So quick thinking husband suggested we look at Macy's.  Department stores always have bathrooms, he assured me.  And sure enough, we weren't even in the store yet and there were signs pointing me towards the women's room!!!  Ten points to the husband, whaaat whaat!  

I quickly found the women's room.  It was right in the middle of the misses section on the bottom floor, and from afar it seemed like it would be a fitting room.  But I followed the signs and it led me to this...

A nice little waiting area with a couch and a huge mirror.  A little further down...

A sparkling white G O R G E O U S  BS!

Super spacious!

Immaculate!!

With 12 stalls!!!

There were people in and out so there was this constant stream of noise from the doors closing, the toilets flushing, people washing their hands, and mothers and daughters talking, it was awesome!  No need for music.  

And of course, like every good BS should, this BS has purse hooks and a changing table.

Boy did they get this BS right, it was like I did their consulting work!

Amazing job Macy's in the Woodlands!

Lowe's

* * * Anxious Anus


I love to shop at Lowe's!  But I'm torn about their BS.

At the Kingwood Lowe's, the bathrooms are on the back wall, in the middle of the store.  There's a hallway that leads to a men's and women's room, water fountains, and offices.

The women's room at first looks like it's gonna be a poophoria situation, but it quickly starts to loose points.  They are just above gas station bathrooms when it comes to cleanliness.  You know, the tile looks dingy, the walls are stained, there's random scraps of toilet paper scattered on the floor, the soap dispensers are broken and gooey, some toilets are left with little treats still floating around in the bowl, and blood is smeared on that little silver waste bin used for feminine products (ok maybe that was TMI).   It just doesn't seem well maintained.  You GOTTA stay on that shit or it falls apart real quick!

They do offer a place to hang your purse.  God knows you don't wanna set it down on that tile!  S H I I I I I T!

They also have 7 stalls; you rarely see that!

But the deciding factor for the rating of this BS was the noise level.  Lowe's BS was S I L E N T.  That's all I have to say about that.

Carrabba's Italian Grill

* * * * * Poophoria


Hooray!  Another fantastic BS to report!! 


Carrabba's Bathroom's were relatively easy to find.  The Kirby's Carrabba's BS is located in the front, close to the hostess' stand.  The Copperfield Carrabba's BS can be found behind the bar down a small hallway.  There's a men's and a women's room.

The women's had 3 stalls.  Two small stalls and one large handicap stall with a changing station where the walls go all the way down to the floor, great for extra privacy!  The BS was very clean and spacious.  It offered purse hooks and a full length mirror ladies!  But the best part was the fun, loud music they had playing!  No one was hearin my shit! No ONE!

Thanks Carrabba's Italian Grill, for knowing what women want in a BS.

Family Thrift Center in Willowbrook

* Full On Shitting My Pants!!!

Guuuuuuuuuuurl, I visited the new Family Thrift Center in Willowbrook and the first thing I see when I walk in is the sign that says, 

"NO PUBLIC BATHROOMS!"

"No hay baños públicos"

a  n  d   panic attack.

a  n  d   shit in my pants.

and all over the floor.

Who does that?  Last time I checked this was America and 2012.  With all those people out there suffering from IBS and Crohn's disease and public defecation anxiety, how can you not offer a public bathroom?

Plus a McDonald's is right next door, and you know people stop and eat at the mickey d's and then head over to the thrift store to shop, and WE ALL KNOW how mickey d's gives you the shits!

For Reals. 

What are they thinking?

Pappasito's Cantina!

* * * * Doin' the Potty Dance


I have to say Pappasito's does so many things right!  I could just drink their salsa, their drinks are STRONG, and what the hell is in that whipped butter?!?  It's soooo delish!

I visited the Pappasito's in Humble the day before Cinco de Mayo, and it was P A C K E D!  But the food, drinks, and service were still great.  And I have to say I was a bit impressed with their BS.

The bathrooms are located in the back center of the restaurant, very easy to find.  The women's room was spacious and very clean.  There was a changing station and purse hooks and they even had light music playing over the speakers.  There were three stalls, one handicapped.  Over all a pretty decent BS, my only concern was the ratio of people to stalls.  Good thing their drinks are strong, that way if I shit my pants I probably wouldn't remember.  And only the best of the best can receive the five star poophoria rating.  I can't just give that shit away!  So well done and thanks Pappasito's Cantina in Humble for a beautiful BS.  You got me dancin'.  What what, yeeeeeeeah.

Bunker Hill HEB

Attention, attention, this just in... Bunker Hill HEB, GORG E O U S  BS!!!

* * * * * Poophoria for Bunker Hill HEB


I had no trouble finding the bathrooms in this enormous store. There's a large Restroom sign in the front of the store pointing you down a hallway where you'll find a Family, Men's, and Women's Bathroom.

The women's room was like no other I've seen.  It was HUGE, spacious enough for me to do several cartwheels in a row.  There were six new shiny stalls, one being handicapped.  I poked my head in a few and they were all very clean.

There were purse hooks and a changing station and state of the art bathroom technology!  You know, the soup dispenses itself, the toilets flush on their own, the water is motion activated, and the best part are those new hand dryers that are super powerful!  The ones that blow so hard they wrinkle up your skin and you can kinda see what your hands will look like when you're 70.  They're new and exciting, but that's not why I like them.  I noticed that the bathroom was a tad on the quiet side, but then someone put their hands in one of those dryers and it was the perfect opportunity to push and let it all out!!!  I couldn't even hear my own shit hit the water, and who knows how loud my toots were!  Couldn't. hear. a. damn. thing!  Ten points to the person who invented those dryers.  It was probably a woman.

And one last observation, the bathroom was the most comfortable temperature.  Not too hot, and not too cold. Perfect temp to drop your pants.  That's right!  Good job Bunker Hill HEB, hopefully this is the new model of BS we can expect in all the new stores.

Kohl's

* * * * * Poophoria!

OMG, I've stumbled upon the most amazing BS!

There is a newer Kohl's in Humble and back in the right corner, past the home goods section, down a small hallway, you'll find three doors leading to a Family, Men's, and Women's Bathroom.

The Women's BS is just stunning!  It's so fancy and sparkling clean!  There are seven, yes, S E V E N stalls, one being handicapped. There is a changing table, purse hooks, and four sinks.  It's very spacious and did I mention it was squeaky clean?  Kohl's is a very large store, but as soon as you turn the first corner you'll see the large RESTROOM sign making them very easy to find.  And even though there was no music playing, the AC was very loud so I felt comfortable doing my thang. And offering a Family Bathroom is also very nice just in case you're having one of THOSE days and you need a little extra privacy, or if you really are one of those moms with several toddlers and your life is a circus, it's nice to have that option.  

Chick-fil-A in Humble

* * * * Doin' the Potty Dance!

Chick-fil-A is a great place to go and take a nice long good shit!  As long as it's not between the hours of 11 and 2!

The bathrooms are located to the left when you walk in.  There's a men's and women's room.  The women's room has two stalls, one being handicap.  There's a changing table and purse hooks and it is usually super clean.  They even have music playing!!!  So really it's an ideal BS as long as you go at the right time of day. The first time I checked out this bathroom it was in the morning and the place was empty so it was poophoric!  The second time I visited it was at 1:45 and I thought the lunch rush might be over. . . not the case folks, not the case.  The bathroom was swarming with moms and their toddlers!

For this reason I couldn't give it 5 stars, and maybe 4 stars is a little generous.  But you can't hate on Chick-fil-A too much.  They do so many things right!  I mean, I've often thought of giving up my vegetarian ways for just one more box of their delicious crack battered chicken nuggets.  And I heard they even have a spicy chicken sandwich now!  Guuuuuurl!

Michael's

* * Panic! I'm Prairie Doggin' It.


I love to shop at Michael's, but I hate to shit at Michael's!

The bathrooms are located in the back left corner, right past the custom framing counter.  Already, that's a problem.  I don't like people watching me go to the bathroom!  I don't think I need to go over that again.

There's a men's and women's room.  The women's room has two stalls, one being handicap.  It's a spacious bathroom with a changing table and purse hooks.  But the bathroom was DIS.GUS.TING!  The toilets were stained, the walls had old urine splashes, the toilet paper was lying on the foul floor, and the trash was full and open right there when you sit down, literally right under your nose!!! Who thought that was a good idea, that's what I want to know!

Besides the filthy BS, I noticed the handicap stall didn't even have a lock so really it couldn't be used.  That means that THERE'S ONE STALL and absolutely NO PRIVACY.  It's one thing if a place only offers a single stall bathroom where you can lock the door and be left alone to do your thing, and it's another thing if there's an open bathroom with ONE STALL!  What a nightmare.

And last but not least, the bathroom was S I L E N T !  And you know how I feel about that.