Zoes Kitchen

* * * Anxious Anus


Some friends and I met up at Zoes Kitchen off of Shepherd last month and I was really impressed by the food.  It serves mediterranean cuisine like kabobs, hummus, greek salads, pasta salads and tabouli.  There are plenty of veg options and everything on the menu is so light, fresh, and flavorful that you walk away feeling full and satisfied but also healthy!

Their BS however was not so impressive.

It was visible almost from the moment you walk in the door.  You know I like that!  I hate it when it's a guessing game to find the bathrooms.  "Hmmm... It could be in that corner, or behind that wall, or down those steps????" Because when I have to go, I have to GO!  I can't risk taking the wrong turn or going to the opposite side of the restaurant or even asking someone where the bathrooms are!  Just make it easy people and put up a sign.  But please don't get confused when I say make it easy and do something stupid like put it by the front door!!!  I seriously DO NOT go to restaurants that I know have their bathrooms located by the front door.  I don't know, it just doesn't feel private AT ALL when you have to walk by the hostess and people waiting in the lobby.  It's no good I'm telling you.  

But Zoes BS was located in the back of the store on the right, past the soda fountain.  There was a sign that led to a small hallway that was half glass so you could see people walk through the door and into the hallway and from there to the women's or men's room.

The women's and men's rooms were one stallers!  They were nice and spacious, very clean, had a purse hook, and the AC was blowing so loud that no one would hear a splash or kerplunk or any of those special bathroom noises you like to keep private.  Plus if any noise made it past the women's room, no one would hear it outside of that little hallway.  No worries there!

The only other complaint besides the fact that this was a one staller BS is that there was no changing table and the women's room smelled like VAGINA!!!  Ladies, you know what I'm talking about.  Men, maybe you do too.  I don't know, I'm not sure how a bathroom gets to smell like that, especially a seemingly clean one.  But there was no denying it, this BS reeked of VAAAAG.  Do I need to say anymore?

Torchy's Tacos

* Full on Shitting My Pants

Ahhh, Torchy's Tacos, where have you been all my life?!?

If you haven't experienced Torchy's Tacos (located off of Shepherd close to Westheimer), you're really missing out!  They have some delicious tacos with interesting ingredients like fried avocado, barbacoa, queso fresco, and escabecha carrots paired with some pretty spunky sauces.  The best part is that there are 3 or 4 Vegetarian options which includes something they call Street Corn.  I won't even bother to describe how A.MAZ.ING it is, you'll have to check it out for yourself.  But I suggest you get that shit to go because their BS (bathroom situation) is one of the worst I've ever seen!

I tend to think that if you're an establishment that sells or serves a diuretic or beans of any kind then you need to have more than ONE FUCKING BATHROOM STALL!  

At first glance Torchy's BS looks ok.  It's easy to find, right behind the soda machine down a small hallway, and it looks pretty spacious. It had two stalls, one handicap, and a nice granite countertop.  Once I got into the smaller stall however, I felt very cramped, and I'm a pretty petite person, I mean I wear a size 5 shoe and my hands look like a child's hands and at 5 months pregnant I'm a solid 100 lbs.  I'm just saying, I don't take up that much space, but I seemed to take up ALL the space in this one stall at Torchy's.  

And you can sort of see that the stall wasn't the cleanest.  You know how I hate open waste baskets!  Who thinks that's a good idea?  Especially in a women's room?!?  Women are like cats, we like to leave no sign or trace of our waste or filth, we have this need to COVER OUR SHIT UP!  Men, men don't care, they have no shame.  And to add to the uncomfortableness of the TI.NY stall and the dirty floors, there was no purse hook!  Oh, ok, I guess I'll hold my purse in my lap as I take a dump.  MAKES. NO. SENSE!  And as I sat there holding my purse, taking a dump, I realized how I was shitting in complete SILENCE!  No good Torchy's, no good at all.  Once I was done I thought I would check out the other handicap stall but . . .

Then I noticed this sign on the floor...  NO, that must be a mistake.  So I pulled on the handle, NOPE, locked, shut down, OUT OF ORDER!!!  And this is how they let people know?  With a sign on the floor sticking halfway out of the stall?  Guuuuuuuuuurl!

So it looks like this BS is a one staller (AND it's a small stall) where other people can come into the bathroom and just stand there and listen while they wait for you to finish your business.  AND it's an establishment that sells beans, lots and lots of beans!  Worst. Bathroom. Situation. IMAGINABLE!

I ran out of there and told my husband to,"get those tacos to go baby, no way in hell I'm eating here!" And just when I thought Torchy's Tacos BS couldn't get any worse, I noticed when I went to fill up my soda cup that someone was now cleaning the bathroom and had SHUT DOWN the entire bathroom and hall!  I couldn't believe it.  In fact, I think a little nervous diarrhea slipped out of my ass when I saw the entire BS was temporarily shut down.  I couldn't get out of there quick enough!