Tin Roof BBQ

* * Panic! I'm Prairie Doggin' It.


This is a sad review for me because I absolutely L O V E  Tin Roof BBQ in Humble!!!  When I was a meat eater I couldn't get enough of their brisket and baked beans.  Now that I'm a vegetarian, I can't get enough of those spuds with extra BBQ sauce!  Guuuuuurl, and don't forget those extra pickles and jalapenos.  That shit is goooooood!  In fact, I love this place so much I actually had my engagement party on their large front deck.  I'm telling you, it's the place to go for some good BBQ.

Anyway, it seems like everytime I go the place has expanded.  They have a medium sized cafe area inside and a front deck outside that gets bigger and bigger.  Now they even have a stage and a dance floor and two huge play ground sets for all the kiddos.  A N D they have a banquet hall for large parties!

So you would think a place that seats ONE BILLION PEOPLE would have a decent BS (bathroom situation), but NO!

Now, you're not gonna believe me when I tell you this, but this place actually has just  ONE SINGLE WOMEN'S STALL and ONE MEN'S STALL!!!!!!!  I'll give you a minute to calm down before I continue . . .





I'm not shitting you, ONE FUCKING STALL!  Who does that?


Here's the deal.  The bathroom is easy to find, it's cute, it's spacious, it's decorated all country like, it smells good, it's warm, it's inviting, BUT IT'S STILL JUST ONE STALL for half a billion people to share.  Seriously, everytime I go to this place it's a full house.  And to really top it off, the bathroom is right in between the kitchen and the cafe so from the pot you can hear the employees talking and you can even hear some customer's conversations.  Now I'm thinking of course, that if I can hear them, THEY FOR SURE AS HELL CAN HEAR ME!  Guuuuuurl, we're talking meats, beans, casseroles, and all sorts of comfort foods that fill you with delight and a whole shit ton of GAS!  Nope, this BS isn't working for me.  So really the only solution to this crisis situation is to simply call in your order and pick it up.  Take that shit (food) home with you and shit (poop) comfortably in your own home, in your own bowl.  That's what I'm talking about.

La Madeline

* * * * Doin' the Potty Dance


Another good BS to report!  I have to admit that I hadn't been to La Madeline in years, so when I visited the other day I had no idea what to expect.

The bathrooms were easy to find, at the Kingwood location they were found in the very back.

There was a men's and women's room.  The women's room was spacious and very clean.  There were 2 stalls and one was a large handicapped stall with a cute little changing table.  Of course there were purse hooks.  But the best part was that each stall had walls that went all the way down to the floor, which makes everything a little more private.

I don't know what it is with women and the bathroom, honestly.  Not sure why when one woman in the group has to go then all the rest of the women in the group decide they have to go!  Men don't do that.  I HATE that shit!  L E A V E   M E  A L O N E   B I T C H E S ! ! !  Can't a girl poop in peace?  I mean, I'm always up for some juicy gossip, EXCEPT for when I need to focus on my shit.  So here's where the full walls come in handy, just in case your girlfriends or sisters decide to follow you to the bathroom and want to continue on the conversation.  "What, I can't hear you, what?  These walls are too thick, I can't hear a word you're saying."  Problem solved.  Now back to my shit.

One way to eliminate this scenario is to just not tell anyone you're going to the bathroom, just sneak away from the table, don't give those bitches a chance to join in.   OR, if it's you and a girlfriend meeting for lunch you get up,  LEAVE YOUR PURSE and tell her you'll be right back.  If you leave your purse at the table then she will have no choice but to stay and watch it.  Genius.  Also, NEVER EVER go to the bathroom on your way out of the restaurant.  At that point the other women will just follow you in there even if they don't have to go.

Oh yeah, the last part of the review, the noise.  La Madeline actually has a recording of a woman over the bathroom speaker teaching you words in French.  It's really cute actually and although it's not too loud, it's still some noise that can help cover up those toots and splashes!

Thanks La Madeline

Walmart

* * * * Doin' The Potty Dance


I honestly was not expecting to find such a good BS at Walmart!  I think it really depends on which one you visit so if anyone knows of a * Full on Shitting My Pants Walmart BS, leave me a comment and let us know which Walmart its not safe to GO.

I visited the one in Porter, and there's a Walmart grocery store here in Kingwood I visit often that also has a fantastic BS.

I know Walmart went thru a makeover within the past 10 years and now most new Walmarts have their bathrooms in the front of the store, usually sandwiched between the nail salon and the eye doctor.  Remember when the bathrooms were located all the way in the back of the store close to the layaway counter???  I do.  Well in Porter they're located in the front, very easy to find with large RESTROOM signs you can spot as soon as you walk in.  That's so nice.

The first thing you notice about the women's room when you walk in is all the stainless steel. It's very shi shi ( this can mean classy OR urinate apparently, here it means classy). This BS is very aesthetically pleasing.  The bathroom is also very spacious. When you walk in the sinks are to your left and to your right is the stainless steel changing station and a stainless steel tampon dispenser, guuuuuuurl!

At this location there were 4 stalls, 3 regular size and one EXTRA LARGE handicap stall, all were very clean and pretty spacious, with hooks on the door to hang your purse.  There was a nice constant stream of noise from all the people in and out, flushing, washing their hands, and using those loud hand dryers.

Overall I felt very comfortable with Walmart's BS and maybe the only improvements that would bump it up to a 5 star would be to have walls down to the floor, a few more stalls, and perhaps some ear candy I can poop to, that always makes it more enjoyable!  : )  Perhaps a little Jason Derulo? Or some Nicki (Minaj that is), hell even Kesha would suffice.

Dave and Buster's

* * * * Doin' the Potty Dance!



I love to bowl at Dave and Buster's off of I-10.  It's got those high semi-private booths where all your friends can sit while you bowl.  They've got a bar in the bowling section upstairs and waiters that come to your little semi-private booths, awesome (and by awesome I mean greasy and disgusting in a good way) bar food, and the hottest hits playing in the background as you bowl.  To be honest with you, I don't even bowl, I just love to go to Dave and Buster's because I know I can watch my friends bowl and I can get my draank on, get me some of those vegetarian nachos, and have a dance off in my semi-private booth! Good times, good times.  

The bathrooms are located to the left of the bowling lanes, right past the bar.  There's a separate men's and women's room.  The women's BS has 6 stalls!  6!!!  I love it when that happens.  The BS is very spacious and they have a changing table for all you mommies.  Each stall has a door that goes down to the floor and all the surrounding walls go all the way down to the floor as well!  So far so good!  They've got the music playing in the background and handles on the stalls that tell you if it's occupied or vacant.  Wow, they've really done so many things right with this BS!  For me the MOST IMPORTANT criteria of a good BS is the ratio of potties to people, the noise level, and privacy.  Dave and Buster's does a great job with all three of those, however, I can not give it 5 stars because it was a little naaasty.  It just wasn't well maintained.  You know what I say, YOU GOTTA STAY ON THAT SHIT!  The paper towels weren't stocked and the trash was overflowing.  Oh, and no purse hooks!

Overall I really enjoyed Dave and Buster's BS and I feel like it's a very good place to GO!

Oxheart

* * * Anxious Anus

In the heart of Houston, located in the historic warehouse district, in the erie city iron works building, on the corner of Nance Street, you'll find Oxheart.  It's a relatively new restaurant in Houston that uses local, seasonal ingredients.  It's fine dinnin' baby!  The restaurant is small and intimate with an open kitchen so anywhere you sit you'll be able to see the chef hard at work.  Each dish is served as if it were a piece of art!  Chef Justin Yu really comes up with some super creative, ah. maz. ing dishes, all with incredibly unique flavor combinations that just light up your palette!!!  His wife Karen Man is the baker and makes the pastries, which are also fantastic.  And Justin Vann is their phenomenal sommelier.  All are very friendly and come to your table to serve you throughout the night.

They only serve dinner and you can choose from 3 menus.  There is a vegetarian option so that was really nice for us!  It's a perfect restaurant for date night or to catch up with an old girlfriend.  The atmosphere is great, the decor is cozy, and you really can't beat the food and service!

Anyway, please check out their website to find out more about them because I'm afraid I don't have the vocabulary to give this place and the food justice.

Back to what this is all about . . . the BS (bathroom situation).

When you walk in you'll notice the door that has the letters WC (water closet).

For some reason I assumed that this one door was a unisex one-staller!  I  IMMEDIATELY started to panic. "Quick!, momma needs a draank!  Make it a strong one!"

Throughout my meal I kept wondering what was behind that door.  I was very nervous.  The good thing was that our reservations were at 5:30 so the place hadn't filled up yet and I felt comfortable with the ratio of people to potties at that point.  Once more people started showing up I started to get really anxious.

Genius husband suggested I check out what was behind that door, perhaps it was a door that led to several bathrooms.

Sure enough, it was!  Behind the WC door there was a separate women's and men's room.  The bathrooms were done up with graffiti on the wall, it was a very cute space!  It was very clean, but a tad on the small side.  No changing table or purse hook that I recall (honestly at that point I was just so relieved to find out their BS wasn't a unisex one-staller that I forgot to check!).

To sum it up, the BS was easy to find, easy access, very clean, a bit small, BUT the walls were thick and I felt very comfortable that no one could hear my shit!  The little hallway between the WC door and the women's room was also a nice buffer zone.

Love the restaurant, love the food, love the service, but the BS needs a little help.

Macy's

* * * * * Poophoria!

Guuuuuuuurl, I just found a jewel when it comes to BSs!

I visited the Woodlands Mall this weekend.  It's not a place I visit often so I really didn't know my way around, most importantly, I didn't know where the closest bathrooms were located at ALL TIMES as we shopped around!  When we looked on the mall map it only showed the bathrooms that were on the second floor.  I thought, "hmmmm, that can't be right . . . don't panic!"  But here I was on the first floor, no where near the escalators, and momma had to go!

So quick thinking husband suggested we look at Macy's.  Department stores always have bathrooms, he assured me.  And sure enough, we weren't even in the store yet and there were signs pointing me towards the women's room!!!  Ten points to the husband, whaaat whaat!  

I quickly found the women's room.  It was right in the middle of the misses section on the bottom floor, and from afar it seemed like it would be a fitting room.  But I followed the signs and it led me to this...

A nice little waiting area with a couch and a huge mirror.  A little further down...

A sparkling white G O R G E O U S  BS!

Super spacious!

Immaculate!!

With 12 stalls!!!

There were people in and out so there was this constant stream of noise from the doors closing, the toilets flushing, people washing their hands, and mothers and daughters talking, it was awesome!  No need for music.  

And of course, like every good BS should, this BS has purse hooks and a changing table.

Boy did they get this BS right, it was like I did their consulting work!

Amazing job Macy's in the Woodlands!

Lowe's

* * * Anxious Anus


I love to shop at Lowe's!  But I'm torn about their BS.

At the Kingwood Lowe's, the bathrooms are on the back wall, in the middle of the store.  There's a hallway that leads to a men's and women's room, water fountains, and offices.

The women's room at first looks like it's gonna be a poophoria situation, but it quickly starts to loose points.  They are just above gas station bathrooms when it comes to cleanliness.  You know, the tile looks dingy, the walls are stained, there's random scraps of toilet paper scattered on the floor, the soap dispensers are broken and gooey, some toilets are left with little treats still floating around in the bowl, and blood is smeared on that little silver waste bin used for feminine products (ok maybe that was TMI).   It just doesn't seem well maintained.  You GOTTA stay on that shit or it falls apart real quick!

They do offer a place to hang your purse.  God knows you don't wanna set it down on that tile!  S H I I I I I T!

They also have 7 stalls; you rarely see that!

But the deciding factor for the rating of this BS was the noise level.  Lowe's BS was S I L E N T.  That's all I have to say about that.