TJ Maxx

* * * Anxious Anus

I frequent a relatively new TJ Maxx in Atascocita and I love it!  And like I've said before, Shopping gives me the Shits so I always find myself in the bathroom and it's about time I did a PR (poo review).

The bathrooms are easy to find.  At this store they are located in the very back right corner, right past the baby section.  There's a large sign above the door so they're hard to miss.

The door actually leads to some offices and a men's and women's room.  The women's room is the first door on the right, good, it's easy to find and easy to get to and I don't have to walk down the hall like the men do.  Because we all know that when you gotta GO, you gotta GO!  I don't need any extra steps that could potentially lead to an accident in the pants!

At first glance the BS (bathroom situation) looks nice and inviting, but once you get in the stalls and you look a little closer it gets real nasty real quick.  This BS had 3 stalls and 2 sinks and it was nice and spacious.  But I don't know how much that matters because the toilets were DIS. GUST. ING!  Poo poo splatters all over the place!  And again with the open trash bin right at nose level, what's up with that???  COVER THAT SHIT!  Or put the waste bin on the floor in a corner, not where I have to turn away and hold my breath when I sit on the toilet.  I like to be comfortable when I take a shit, don't you???

I mean I don't really need to see other women's USED tampons!  I really don't.  And ladies, if you accidently smear blood on the trash bin, or light switch, or when you go to flush, the least you should do is clean it up and then you should probably get an employee to come in with the disinfectant and give the area a good hard scrub.  Because that's just NASTY and DANGEROUS!  Am I right, Am I right?  I'm right.

Besides the poop and blood the BS was just not well maintained.  There was paper all over the floor, the purse hooks were broken off, the hand towel dispenser wasn't refilled and instead there was just a giant roll of paper you had to grab from and half the roll was soaked from people's dripping hands.

With all the space in this BS and with it being right next to the BABY SECTION, you would think a changing table would be available to all mommy shoppers, but no, no changing table.

And to top it all off,  the number one reason any bathroom can get a bad review in my book ... THE PLACE WAS DEAD SILENT!  No music playing, no AC, just me and my butt burps for all the world to hear.  Great.  Thanks TJ Maxx.

Italiano's

* * * * Doin' the Potty Dance

It's not often that I stumble upon a glorious BS but hate the restaurant or store it belongs to.  It's usually the other way around, I'll love the establishment but despise the BS, which means I'll only order carry out or send in my husband to do my shopping.

But Italiano's is different.

A group of co-workers and myself made reservations to eat one Saturday night and they put us in the banquet hall.  The only problem was that there was another  L A R G E R  group also using the space and the only thing that divided our two groups were a few room dividers.  Now we were there to celebrate.  And the other group was there to pray and to hear some speaker.  UMMM, HELLO, SEE ANYTHING WRONG WITH THIS PICTURE ITALIANO'S???  Not only did our group have to quiet down when the other group did, BUT we ended up getting stuck with the SHITTIEST SERVICE OF ALL FUCKING TIME!

Now I usually go to bed around 9, but it was a special occasion,  what the hell I could stay up a little later.  Well we met for dinner at 7 and we didn't get our fucking food until after 9!  It took almost an hour and a half and 5 people begging before they brought us the god damn bread.  Water refills?  Forget about it!  Finally one of my co-workers discovered where the giant water pitcher was hiding and so we just helped ourselves.  Another co-worker ordered a glass of wine and NEVER GOT IT.  She even reminded the waiter a couple times.  Another co-worker got a plate with a dried up tomato crusted on it!  And he even had to bring it to the waiter's attention.  How do you not notice a big fucking bright red dried up tomato on a small white plate???  HOW?  Guuuuuuuurl!

I know waiting is not an easy job.  I work retail and I deal with customers all the time so I know it's not easy.  But our group, even though it was a large group and we were there to celebrate, we were not at all difficult.  We all know how it is so we were as patient as we could be.  It just got to the point where we felt like the other group was getting all the service and attention.

When the food came out it was the kind of italian food where it looks like they used ragu sauce!  And this is gonna sound weird, but their spaghetti was FAT!  I just don't like FAT spaghetti.  I prefer angel hair, but if not that then at least serve me some normal sized spaghetti!  This was by far the fattest spaghetti I have ever seen.  It just looked cheap and my husband said it tasted cheap.

I did find 3 good things about Italiano's if you can believe that.  One, the salad dressing.  Two, their cheese pizza.  And Three, their BS!

In the banquet hall the women's bathroom is located in the very back.  It has two stalls, one big and one small.  A nice granite counter top with two sinks separates the two bathroom stalls.  I think that's genius!  Two stalls on opposite sides of the restroom gives you much more privacy.  On top of that the AC was on full blast to cover up any lady farts.  The entire restroom was spotless and there were purse hooks on the stall doors.  There wasn't any music playing and there was no changing table, but overall it was a good BS.  I'd go there for the BS, and maybe pick up some salad dressing on the way out, but I'll never eat there again.  How convenient that the tip was included when you gave the SHITTIEST SERVICE IN ALL OF NORTH AMERICA!  How convenient.  Bastards.  I went there weeks ago and it still pisses me off!  Yeah, forget about picking up salad dressing and giving them your business.  I recommend you just go and take a huge SHIT in their nice toilets and give them your BUSINESS that way.  : )

Grainger

* * * * Doin' the Potty Dance

I apologize that it's been so long since I've last posted.  I know how important this blog is to all of my readers, ha!  I've been under the weather lately and haven't really been out and about pooping around the city.  We did have a problem with our AC recently and needed to pick up a part for it so I got to review the BS at Grainger, an electrical supply store.

I believe this is a store that sells mainly wholesale so there's a small area of the building that sells parts and the rest of the building is offices and warehouse space I guess.  The one I visited is located off of 45 and 1960.  Anyway, their BS is pretty impressive. 

It's huge!

It's spotless!

It smells good!

There's 3 stalls, 2 sinks, and a handy little tampon dispenser!  Something I've never seen before, right next to the door on your way out, there's a hand towel dispenser and a small waste basket so after you wash your hands you don't have to dirty them up by grabbing the germ infested door handle.  AND, you don't have to take a paper towel to the door and then find a place to throw it away later.  It's all provided for you right there, so thoughtful!  

And really the only negatives to this BS is that it is absolutely silent!  I really hate that shit!  Maybe other people don't mind as much sharing those bodily noises with their co-workers.  I mean guys seem to really enjoy the sound of their own farts.  My husband is constantly laughing at the crazy sounds that come out of his ass.  So maybe in the men's bathroom they just let it all out without any shame.  Perhaps whoever has the loudest farts or makes the biggest splash is applauded or praised, maybe he's the man OR the king of the day...maybe?!  

Maybe... but it's not that way for women.  Some men completely deny the fact that women even pass gas or take huge anaconda dumps!  I'VE EVEN HEARD SOME WOMEN DENY IT!  BITCH PLEASE, WHO ARE YOU KIDDING!!!   You're probably farting under the radar right now as we speak!  AND everyone shits.  But that's just not acceptable behavior for a lady in society.  So I don't get it.  Why the SILENT BS!?!  I mean, why even have doors on the stalls then?  Everyone can already hear and smell my business!!!  Give us a break and turn on some tunes or blast that AC for fuck sake so I can at least walk out of this BS with my head held high and still able to face my co-workers.  I mean, I'm a pretty damn fast pooper.  No one would even SUSPECT that I just took a huge dump.  For reals, I'm not kidding, I poop faster than a man pees sometimes.  And that's without him wiping and washing his hands because let's face it, men don't do that!  

True story.  When I clean the bathrooms at my work the women's room is always so tidy and it smells so clean but it will be out of TP and hand towels.  I'll go over to the men's and there's piss all over the floor, it smells like shhhhhhhiiiiiiiit, but yet the two rolls of toilet paper will have been untouched and only a few hand towels will have been used.  And you can count exactly how many hand towels too because they'll be on the floor wadded up!  One....two.....three!  3 men have washed their hands today!  Or maybe just one OCD man.  Alright, I'm done.  This is about the bathroom and not about men's bathroom behavior.

The last tiny negative about Grainger's BS is that the women's room was so spacious you could have fit a couch and some end tables and a nice rug and some lamps, but yet there was no changing table!!!  Hmmmm...

Overall I would poop at Grainger again.  I'd just have to make sure I was the only woman in there! 

Half Price Books

* * * Anxious Anus

I visited the Half Price Books in Humble on a Sunday morning.  First of all, if you're feeling especially gassy, I do not recommend you do your book shopping early in the morning.  There were a few employees working and maybe another customer or so, but the place was dead silent!  Where's the fucking music people?  Maybe they forgot to turn it on that morning.

This review is only for the Half Price Books in Humble because I'm sure the BS varies at different locations.

The Humble BS had two stalls, one handicap.  When you walk in there is a little seating area with a bench and then it looks like one stall was taken out so they could put in a hand sink.  So the space where you wash your hands is long and narrow and only one person can fit at a time.

One of the first things you'll notice about this BS is that it is old and nasty.  It doesn't seem well-maintained and almost feels like a gas station BS, eeek!  The floors are filthy, the toilets are old and stained, and there are random splatters on the walls, yuck, what the fuck is that?!  The good things I can say about this BS is they have a changing station and purse hooks and the AC is on full blast so it's sure to cover up any unpleasant sounds!

I'd also like to add that a few doors down from the Half Price Books in Humble is a Plato's Closet.  I've only shopped there O N E time because the one time I went I all of a sudden had a shit attack!  I noticed there was a door with a unisex bathroom sign and I saw an employee come out just in time.  When I tried to open the door it was locked!!!  I started to panic but managed to find the employee and asked for the key to the bathroom only to have her tell me that there was NO PUBLIC RESTROOM!  Bitch shut the fuck up, I just saw you come out that bathroom now give me the god damn key before I shit all over you!!!  Seriously.  But no, she insisted that bathroom was just for employees.  BULLSHIT, I bet she just took a huge dump and she's embarrassed to let me use it after her while the scent of her shit still lingers.

My point is that in that moment I realized Half Price Books was a few doors down and I knew THEY had a bathroom so I ran my little ass over there and made it just in time.  The moral of the story is that a bad BS is better than NO BS!!!

Buc-ee's

* * * * * Poophoria!


A friend asked me if I've ever experienced Buc-ee's BS (bathroom situation) before because if I hadn't then I didn't know what living really was!  And boy was he right!!!


I had heard so many great things about Buc-ee's BS so I was glad when we stopped at one on our way out of town.  As soon as I walked in I couldn't believe what I found!


First of all, you walk in down this double wide hallway towards the women's room which then separates into two sides.  Both sides are lined with about 10 to 12 stalls with walls to the floor!  It's soooo spacious!  I'd say the women's room alone was as big or bigger than my 1600 sq foot house.  For reals!  


So each stall tells you if it's VACANT or OCCUPIED, I love that.  The stalls themselves are very spacious and super clean.  There were purse hooks and a hand sanitizer dispenser on the wall in the stall.  Each stall is equipped with 8 rolls of toilet paper, yes 8!  Country music was playing over the speakers and the entire bathroom smelled very clean and fresh.  There were changing tables and almost as many sinks as there were stalls.  Buc-ee's didn't miss a beat!  They sure did raise the bar for gas station bathrooms.


Gas station bathrooms terrify me!  I've been to a few gas stations recently who still have bathrooms on the outside where you need a fucking key to get in.  Those are the most horrific BSs I've ever experienced.  You walk in and immediately feel the filth crawling on your skin.  The floors are sticky with old urine.  You don't even want to turn on the light really because you just DON'T WANT TO TOUCH ANYTHING!

Besides first being aware that you're in a pool of germs, your eye quickly finds the overflowing trash can.  Actually your nose probably finds it first!  They're always overflowing onto the floor where several other piles have started to form.  It would be one thing if it were just used hand towels people decided to throw on the floor, but NO, people have the balls to wipe their ass after they shit and throw THAT onto the pile!  Or worse, their bloody tampon!!!  WHAAAAT?!?  Then your eye catches a glimpse of the toilet bowl and you understand why.  The toilets are usually clogged with paper and filled with PISS and SHIT, tons of SHIT!  DIS. GUST. ING, I just threw up in my mouth a little bit thinking about it.  Then you notice the toilet seat is completely covered with urine, I guess from women having to squat over the toilet.  Let me tell you something boys, as much as women complain about boys not having good aim, when we are forced to pee standing or squatting we don't even come close, NOT EVEN CLOSE.  But our equipment wasn't made for that I guess.

And if you gotta go, you gotta go so you hold your breath, unzip, squat and squirt it out, or squeeze it out.  You don't even look down to see if it goes in, you just pray your shit doesn't cause any backsplash from that diseased water!!!  And hopefully there's some toilet paper left for you to wipe your ass.  If not, you fucking use the empty cardboard roll!  Desperate times call for desperate measures folks.  At this point it doesn't really matter if you wash your hands because most likely there's no soap and no hand towels left and besides you'll have to open the door to get out and god knows that knob is covered in feces and perhaps even some blood, remember that used tampon I mentioned earlier!  So you return the key, don't mention the mess in the bathroom that you just contributed to, buy some hand sanitizer, and decide to burn your shoes or throw them in the trash on your way back to the car.  After the whole thing is over you just feel so FOUL!  Sometimes I think it might have been better if I just shat in my pants, I probably would feel less nasty if I did that because at least it would be MY OWN SHIT I'm covered in and not other people's.

My husband always tells me that when you smell something you are actually tasting a little bit of those particles.  Just think about that the next time you walk into one of those gas station BSs . . . YOU JUST TASTED OTHER PEOPLE'S SHIT!  That just happened.  Guuuuuurl!

Thanks God for Buc-ee's!  I only wish there was one down the street from me.  I think I'd prefer to drive and use their facilities over my own.  And now I wish I could take back all the 5 star ratings I've given because every other BS compared to Buc-ee's is absolutely PIT. I. FUL!

Olive Garden

* * Panic! I'm Prairie Doggin' It


I've got some family and friends that live in the Willowbrook area so when anyone wants to meet for lunch I always suggest Olive Garden.  I fucking love their salad and breadsticks!  But I quickly regret it.  Olive Garden has one of THE WORST BSs!  


At the Willowbrook location the bathrooms are right in the front, where everyone waits.  I think this is an odd place for a bathroom.  Olive Garden seems to always be crowded when I go and I
AB. SO. LUTE. LY  despise walking past all those people to go to the bathroom!!!  STOP WATCHING ME!

After I make it through the crowd and into the ladies room, immediately to the right there are 4 stalls, and to the left are the sinks.  There's this narrow passageway between the stalls and the sinks, it's just not a good design.  So where are people supposed to line up and wait?  Because everybody knows 4 FUCKING STALLS isn't enough to serve the BILLIONS of people there for the lunch and dinner rush!  Good thing salad doesn't give me the shits because everytime I go I have to wait for a toilet.  Stupid.  Where's the common sense people?  Anyway, there's no where to stand but in the lobby outside the door really.

Besides the small space, the bathroom isn't usually well maintained, it's messy.  They do have a changing table and purse hooks, but the WORST part of this BS is that it is dead silent!  Actually I think it goes beyond that, everything echos!!!  So your pee sounds like a raging water fall and when your shit hits the water it's like a fat person doing a cannonball!  Seriously, maybe it's the tight space or something, but everything really does seem to echo and that's the exact opposite of what I want!  I would like it if my "deposits" just blended in with the music, went along to the beat.  Is that too much to ask for?  Apparently.

Revival Market

* * * Anxious Anus


Revival Market in the Heights is a really unique market.  It is a neighborhood grocery store, butcher and charcuterie, with a cafe and coffee bar, dedicated to sourcing it's food locally. They offer fresh food from local farmers, ranchers, and cheese makers, but they specialize in all- natural meats from Revival Farms.  They consider themselves a "responsible 21st century market."  Revival is a great place to shop or just meet a friend for coffee or a light lunch.  Definitely check it out if you're ever in the area!

As much as I love the market, I wasn't thrilled about their BS.  When you walk in, to the left is the produce and right beyond that thru a door and down a hallway you'll find the women's and men's one stallers.  Not my favorite bathroom situation as you all know!

I do have to say that the women's room was super clean and very spacious.  It had purse hooks but no changing table.  My sister has a portable changing pad she carries and that would work for her at Revival because the floor was so clean you could eat off of it and there was PLENTY of space!  I also noticed the AC was running very loud, that's always a good thing!  They did so many things right damn it, if only they had 7 stalls with walls to the floor then I could give it a better review.  But as long as a place only offers one toilet, it will always make me anxious, and we all know that anxiety gives you the mother fucking S H I T S!