Urban Harvest Farmers Market- Eastside

* * * * Doin' The Potty Dance


What a great Farmers Market!  This one is located off of Richmond in Upper Kirby and is open Saturday mornings.

Honestly, I've visited the market only a few times which is a shame because my husband LOVES going to the market, but my bathroom anxiety has really been the reason why we don't go as often.

As some of my readers may know, I'm pregnant and with that comes CONSTIPATION!!!  Hallelujah, a dream come true for anyone that suffers from PDA (public defecation anxiety)!  So since I've been stuffed up I decided it was safe to visit the market and even eat breakfast there, all the while not knowing the bathroom situation.  Of course when we were done shopping and eating I decided I needed to check out the BS.  I kinda figured there would be a porta potty which I have no problem with really.  I'm always so grateful when a place or event offers porta potties if they don't have a BS that will accommodate the masses of people they are expecting.  Good planning I say!

You know I even discovered a portion of the beach in Galveston that offers PPs!  We always go back to that spot,  A L WA Y S!  I can't tell you where it is because then everyone will go and the ratio of people to potties will no longer be in my favor.  Sorry, this one is my little secret.

Anyway, back to the market.

So when I checked out the BS I was so thrilled to find not one PP, but TWO!!!  Awesome!  They were ordinary PPs, nothing special, but the market really went out of their way and set up a huge sink with nice smelling soap and paper towels right outside the potty!  100 points Urban Harvest!  Way to think about your customers' needs!  I mean you don't always feel the cleanest after leaving a PP.  Honestly, my mind always goes to the SICK.EN.ING thought of what would happen if I licked the bottom of my shoes after walking out of one!!!  Anyone else think of that?  How absolutely FOW.EL!  You'd probably die.  Yeah, probably.  So it was nice to get to clean up and scrub my hands after using the PP.

And now that I know the BS is safe at the Eastside Farmers Market, you'll probably see me and my hubby (and baby) there more often!

I'm silly and didn't get a pic of the sink!!!  

Taqueria Arandas in Humble

* * Panic! I'm Prairie Doggin' It.

Taqueria Arandas always sounds like a good idea especially on those Sunday mornings when you and your hubby plan on having a relaxing and lazy day together.  But when you AND your husband both find yourselves running to the shitter 5 minutes after you inhale those Migas, you start to rethink your decision! Baaaaad idea, BAD!

Taqueria Arandas' horchata is really to die for and the main reason I go, but everything else on the menu is just so so.  The portions are small which I like and the service is usually pretty good.  But that's not why you're reading this blog...

Their BS is total BS!  It's located in the far back left corner of the restaurant.  There's a men's and women's room.  When I first visited TA their bathrooms must have been under construction because it was a one stall bathroom and the box the new toilet came in was still in the stall.  The next time I visited they had made it into a two stall bathroom!  Thank God.

The women's room is fucking disgusting, to put it mildly.  Like I said, there's two stalls but the bathroom is dead silent.  There's purse hooks and a changing station and even a lock on the main door so if you happen to find yourself in a CRISIS SITUATION with a DIARRHEA EXPLOSION you need to tend to, you can lock that door and take care of it.  The toilets and sinks are all new, but the entire bathroom just feels dirty and sticky!  I can't explain why, I really can't, but do you know what I'm talking about?  A sticky bathroom???  Not stinky, STICKY.  And something else totally weird and completely FOU. UL is that there's always random puddles of water on the floor, usually somewhere around the toilet.  Or IS it WATER?!?  Gross.  Who knows, but someone needs to get their ass in here with a mop and take care of this shit because it's NASTY!

I have this weird thing about being on the same level with something filthy or disgusting.  Like if I'm walking down a dirty street or standing over a dirty drain at work, I'm ok because the filth is far away from me and I'm standing tall over it, BUT when I bend down to say pick something up off the floor or on the street and I'm level with the filth it becomes too much for me.  IT'S TOO MUCH!!!   Another example, standing OVER the toilet at home and scrubbing it clean, that I'm fine with, it's when I have to bend down and get level with the bowl and clean around the base is when I totally FREAK out!  Taking out the trash, no problem!  Cleaning out the trash can... totally nasty!  The filth is too close for comfort.

This is what I experience at many bathrooms around the city.  I can walk into a stall and at first glance, standing over the toilet, the BS seems fine.  It's when I sit down on the toilet I start to realize just how close that waste bin is to my nose, you know, that OPEN bin with all those used tampons in it!!!  Yeah, and the trash can on the floor is sometimes ALMOST touching my legs, GROOOOOOSSSSSS!  And those strange, unknown puddles of liquid on the floor seem to be right under my nose.  OH GOD, I'M OFFICIALLY FREAKIN' OUT!

Does anyone else feel that way?

Anyway, it's important to not judge a bathroom situation unless you fully experience it.  And by fully experiencing it I mean sitting down on the toilet and taking a long nice dump!  So that's my service to you guys.  I'll go into any Bathroom Situation and I'll take that dump for you and I'll let you know where it's safe to GO!  And I'm telling you right now, Taqueria Arandas IS NOT A PLACE YOU WANT TO GO!!!!  And from what I hear, the women's room sounds better than the men's!  I heard they had one toilet and it's a small one, and it rocks or moves around when you're on it!  NO GOOD people, no good.  So of course I would recommend you get your Migas and Horchata to go and take your dump in the comfort of your own home.

Barnaby's Cafe

* * * * Doin' the Potty Dance

The original Barnaby's Cafe is located on Fairview and their breakfast cafe called Baby Barnaby's is located right next door.  I absolutely LOOOOVE Barnaby's food.  When I ate meat I would get the Lebanese Chicken Fattoush salad or one of their delicious burgers.  Now I'm all about their Spinach and Cheese lasagna!!!  They've got the most amazing fries and desserts and many vegetarian options which includes 4 different burgers like the falafel burger and the black bean burger.  And you just can't beat the god damn Juevos Rancheros at Baby Barnaby's!  I'll tell you what though, you better call that shit in and get it to go!  The original location and the baby barnaby's have such a bad BS (bathroom situation) that I can't even go back to give it a full review.  From what I remember the bathrooms are down these tiny little halls and the bathrooms themselves aren't much bigger than the hall.  The floors are slanted and you feel like you're a kid in a fun house trying to balance yourself as you take a shit.  There's just one women's and one men's room and the place is always packed. And this is an establishment that sells beans and diuretics!  Remember what I think about that, so yeah, that's not gonna work for me.  Good thing Barnaby's has opened several other locations with much better BSs!

This review is for the Barnaby's Cafe on West Gray.  The BS was easy to find, on your left as soon as you walk in, just past a few booths.  It had 2 stalls, one handicapped.  It was super spacious and they even had a booth bench for those of you who NEED to sit down while you wait.  You know, if you got that turtle head or prairie dog action going on and you need a little extra help holding it in.  The BS was very clean and they had some loud music playing!  YEA, you can poop to the beat!   The walls to the stalls went all the way down to the floor for that extra privacy and the toilet paper was well stocked, I think the dispenser held like 8 rolls or something ridiculous like that.  I was super impressed with Barnaby's BS!  I can't give it a five star rating however because Buc-ee's is a five star BS and this doesn't even compare to Buc-ee's.  Plus, there wasn't a changing table and the extra space in the bathroom was used for storage.  Buc-ee's would NEVER do that.  But this Barnaby's Cafe is such an improvement from the original Barnaby's BS.  They've come a long way and for that I want to congratulate them!  

What's up with this BS?!

A friend snapped this shot of the men's room at Fitzgeralds.  He could barely get the toilet AND the toilet paper dispenser in the same picture.  I hope this is a joke!  

I snapped this one morning walking into Officer Donut in Humble.  Uuuum, I don't think so.

And this was taken at Jiffy Lube in Kingwood.  I don't feel comfortable with this situation, can I have my car back?

Agora

* * Panic! I'm Prairie Doggin' It.

You know you're getting old when you are no longer willing to compromise your comfort for cool.  

Agora is a coffee house in the Montrose/Westheimer area that also serves a variety of adult beverages and desserts.  Agora used to be where I went when I wanted to sip on some flavored coffee and smoke my little cigarillos whilst I reflected on life and journaled.  Aaahhhh, to be 20 again! 

I recently visited my old hang out thinking I'd love it just as much as I did back in the day but . . . that wasn't the case.  

It's a tad crowded and the furniture is uncomfortable and like I said, comfort is something you value more the older you get I think.  And then there's the BS!!! 

I really really really can't imagine a worse bathroom situation than a dirty one staller where others are free to come in and form a line and wait for you to finish your business!!!  That kind of pressure is TOO MUCH!  There was a BS I visited once that was just like what I described EXCEPT you had to get an employee to let you in.  This was at some pharmacy in the Heights, a CVS or Walgreens, one of those.  And when the employee let me in with their special key there was a crazy women already in the stall!  So I was left there to listen and wait for her to finish WRAPPING HER BODY.  WITH TOILET PAPER!!!!!!!!  Literally, I was locked in a bathroom with a crazy woman!!!!!  OMG, I'm starting to get anxiety just thinking about it.  

Anyway, Agora's BS is not quite that bad so I gave it a two star rating.  I just don't understand what people are thinking sometimes.  Why make it a one staller open to the public?  Put a lock on the door OR make it a two or three staller!  Stupid.  And as crowded as Agora's gets, they really should have more than one stall.

The positive things about this one staller is that it's large and clean and has a place to hang your purse.  They also provide a chair outside the stall for someone to sit while they wait.  Awww, that's nice of them to provide a place for me to park my ass while I wait on the drunk girl in the stall to finish adjusting her pantyhose as she carries on a conversation with her friend standing outside the stall and talking so loud that the whole fucking world can hear their "private" conversation.  One time I actually overheard a girl talking about how she and her boyfriend had so much sex the night before and now her vagina smells like pizza!  AHAHAHAHAHAHA, guuuuuuurl somethings you need to keep to yourself!   Anyway, I'd much rather prefer to park my ass on a TOILET SEAT so I can get this SHIT over with and get the fuck out of here.  But thanks anyway Agora.

To end this on a positive note, the BS did have one of those new hand dryers that's so loud it sounds like a rocket ship taking off and if timed correctly you can drop a deuce when someone's drying their hands and the world will never know you just TOOK AN ENORMOUS SHIT!  : )  Yea!

Zoes Kitchen

* * * Anxious Anus


Some friends and I met up at Zoes Kitchen off of Shepherd last month and I was really impressed by the food.  It serves mediterranean cuisine like kabobs, hummus, greek salads, pasta salads and tabouli.  There are plenty of veg options and everything on the menu is so light, fresh, and flavorful that you walk away feeling full and satisfied but also healthy!

Their BS however was not so impressive.

It was visible almost from the moment you walk in the door.  You know I like that!  I hate it when it's a guessing game to find the bathrooms.  "Hmmm... It could be in that corner, or behind that wall, or down those steps????" Because when I have to go, I have to GO!  I can't risk taking the wrong turn or going to the opposite side of the restaurant or even asking someone where the bathrooms are!  Just make it easy people and put up a sign.  But please don't get confused when I say make it easy and do something stupid like put it by the front door!!!  I seriously DO NOT go to restaurants that I know have their bathrooms located by the front door.  I don't know, it just doesn't feel private AT ALL when you have to walk by the hostess and people waiting in the lobby.  It's no good I'm telling you.  

But Zoes BS was located in the back of the store on the right, past the soda fountain.  There was a sign that led to a small hallway that was half glass so you could see people walk through the door and into the hallway and from there to the women's or men's room.

The women's and men's rooms were one stallers!  They were nice and spacious, very clean, had a purse hook, and the AC was blowing so loud that no one would hear a splash or kerplunk or any of those special bathroom noises you like to keep private.  Plus if any noise made it past the women's room, no one would hear it outside of that little hallway.  No worries there!

The only other complaint besides the fact that this was a one staller BS is that there was no changing table and the women's room smelled like VAGINA!!!  Ladies, you know what I'm talking about.  Men, maybe you do too.  I don't know, I'm not sure how a bathroom gets to smell like that, especially a seemingly clean one.  But there was no denying it, this BS reeked of VAAAAG.  Do I need to say anymore?

Torchy's Tacos

* Full on Shitting My Pants

Ahhh, Torchy's Tacos, where have you been all my life?!?

If you haven't experienced Torchy's Tacos (located off of Shepherd close to Westheimer), you're really missing out!  They have some delicious tacos with interesting ingredients like fried avocado, barbacoa, queso fresco, and escabecha carrots paired with some pretty spunky sauces.  The best part is that there are 3 or 4 Vegetarian options which includes something they call Street Corn.  I won't even bother to describe how A.MAZ.ING it is, you'll have to check it out for yourself.  But I suggest you get that shit to go because their BS (bathroom situation) is one of the worst I've ever seen!

I tend to think that if you're an establishment that sells or serves a diuretic or beans of any kind then you need to have more than ONE FUCKING BATHROOM STALL!  

At first glance Torchy's BS looks ok.  It's easy to find, right behind the soda machine down a small hallway, and it looks pretty spacious. It had two stalls, one handicap, and a nice granite countertop.  Once I got into the smaller stall however, I felt very cramped, and I'm a pretty petite person, I mean I wear a size 5 shoe and my hands look like a child's hands and at 5 months pregnant I'm a solid 100 lbs.  I'm just saying, I don't take up that much space, but I seemed to take up ALL the space in this one stall at Torchy's.  

And you can sort of see that the stall wasn't the cleanest.  You know how I hate open waste baskets!  Who thinks that's a good idea?  Especially in a women's room?!?  Women are like cats, we like to leave no sign or trace of our waste or filth, we have this need to COVER OUR SHIT UP!  Men, men don't care, they have no shame.  And to add to the uncomfortableness of the TI.NY stall and the dirty floors, there was no purse hook!  Oh, ok, I guess I'll hold my purse in my lap as I take a dump.  MAKES. NO. SENSE!  And as I sat there holding my purse, taking a dump, I realized how I was shitting in complete SILENCE!  No good Torchy's, no good at all.  Once I was done I thought I would check out the other handicap stall but . . .

Then I noticed this sign on the floor...  NO, that must be a mistake.  So I pulled on the handle, NOPE, locked, shut down, OUT OF ORDER!!!  And this is how they let people know?  With a sign on the floor sticking halfway out of the stall?  Guuuuuuuuuurl!

So it looks like this BS is a one staller (AND it's a small stall) where other people can come into the bathroom and just stand there and listen while they wait for you to finish your business.  AND it's an establishment that sells beans, lots and lots of beans!  Worst. Bathroom. Situation. IMAGINABLE!

I ran out of there and told my husband to,"get those tacos to go baby, no way in hell I'm eating here!" And just when I thought Torchy's Tacos BS couldn't get any worse, I noticed when I went to fill up my soda cup that someone was now cleaning the bathroom and had SHUT DOWN the entire bathroom and hall!  I couldn't believe it.  In fact, I think a little nervous diarrhea slipped out of my ass when I saw the entire BS was temporarily shut down.  I couldn't get out of there quick enough!