Ross

* * * Anxious Anus

I could spend hours shopping at Ross!  I always find a million things I don't really NEED but somehow convince myself that I do.  I mean who doesn't NEED a new doormat for $5.99 or a new shower curtain liner for $3.99 or one of those ridiculously large dog beds for like $12.99 when at Petsmart the same thing would cost 50 fucking bucks!?!

But when a pregnant woman shops for hours that means that she will probably have to use the bathroom no less than 10 times, for reals!  And this is where Ross and I have a problem . . . their BS!

First of all there is no real sign for the Bathrooms that I've ever seen at any Ross, but usually they are found by the dressing rooms.  Outside the dressing rooms there is an employee who stands out there and makes sure you only have 6 items in your hand to try on at a time.  So this same employee is also the person who LETS YOU INTO THE BATHROOMS!  Yeah, that's what I said, she has to LET YOU IN!  She goes to this little keypad and pushes a button or puts in a code, IDK, something like that.  Now something about asking permission to use the bathroom just feels WRONG to me.  First of all I'm not a child, I'm a 30 year old woman, I NEED TO ASK PERMISSION?  Second, ain't nobody got time for that!!!

No really, I don't have time for that!  Baby pushing on the bladder, poo knocking at the door. . . unlock the god damn bathroom lady!  Nevermind if I was just here ten minutes ago emptying my bladder, it's really none of your business!  Already not a good start.

After you gain entrance thru the first door you walk down a small hall to the ladies room.  Once inside it's not too bad.  Most Ross' have two or three stalls with one being handicapped and they usually have a changing table in the handicap stall.  The Ross in Atascocita was seemingly clean and everything was stainless steel.  There were purse hooks. The tampon bin actually had a lid on it!  And there was LOUD music playing over the speakers.  ALRIGHT ROSS, tunes to toot to!!!  Love it.

The toilets were clean and smelled of toilet bowl cleaner which immediately made me crazy!!!  One thing I have craved this pregnancy is TOILET BOWL CLEANER.  I'm serious.  I always heard stories of pregnant women craving stuff like soap and dirt, my craving . . . toilet bowl cleaner, YUUUUUUUM!  I believe these strange cravings are due to iron deficiency.  Don't worry, I've never actually tried toilet bowl cleaner, I'm not that crazy.

Besides the smell of toilet bowl cleaner, the overall bathroom had a foul smell.  Perhaps the trash hadn't been taken out that day, IDK.  And the last negative thing I'll say is that my toilet didn't flush.  I hate that shit!  How can I GO in confidence if there's a possibility I might not be able to fully get rid of my shit?!  I despise unpredictable, undependable toilets!!!!  Really, what good is a toilet if it doesn't flush?  And this goes out to all those folks who have unpredictable, undependable toilets in their homes and then invite people over, please please please get it fixed OR the very least leave a plunger next to the damn toilet!!!  No one wants to shit in someone else's toilet, not be able to get the toilet to flush, and worse, have it back up and run onto the floor, then have to go and tell the homeowner!  OMG, scenarios like that are what make up my nightmares!  

Anyway, I wouldn't have such a problem with Ross' BS if it were more easily accessible to me and I didn't have to ASK PERMISSION to use it.  And I'm hoping the toilet that didn't flush that day was fixed.  I'd also love to know what cleaner they used.  Ha, I'm salivating just thinking about it!  

SHiiiiiiiiiT

Damn Hell Fucking Shit, I forgot to cuss in my last post.  This pregnancy is turning me into a softie.

Urban Harvest Farmers Market- Eastside

* * * * Doin' The Potty Dance


What a great Farmers Market!  This one is located off of Richmond in Upper Kirby and is open Saturday mornings.

Honestly, I've visited the market only a few times which is a shame because my husband LOVES going to the market, but my bathroom anxiety has really been the reason why we don't go as often.

As some of my readers may know, I'm pregnant and with that comes CONSTIPATION!!!  Hallelujah, a dream come true for anyone that suffers from PDA (public defecation anxiety)!  So since I've been stuffed up I decided it was safe to visit the market and even eat breakfast there, all the while not knowing the bathroom situation.  Of course when we were done shopping and eating I decided I needed to check out the BS.  I kinda figured there would be a porta potty which I have no problem with really.  I'm always so grateful when a place or event offers porta potties if they don't have a BS that will accommodate the masses of people they are expecting.  Good planning I say!

You know I even discovered a portion of the beach in Galveston that offers PPs!  We always go back to that spot,  A L WA Y S!  I can't tell you where it is because then everyone will go and the ratio of people to potties will no longer be in my favor.  Sorry, this one is my little secret.

Anyway, back to the market.

So when I checked out the BS I was so thrilled to find not one PP, but TWO!!!  Awesome!  They were ordinary PPs, nothing special, but the market really went out of their way and set up a huge sink with nice smelling soap and paper towels right outside the potty!  100 points Urban Harvest!  Way to think about your customers' needs!  I mean you don't always feel the cleanest after leaving a PP.  Honestly, my mind always goes to the SICK.EN.ING thought of what would happen if I licked the bottom of my shoes after walking out of one!!!  Anyone else think of that?  How absolutely FOW.EL!  You'd probably die.  Yeah, probably.  So it was nice to get to clean up and scrub my hands after using the PP.

And now that I know the BS is safe at the Eastside Farmers Market, you'll probably see me and my hubby (and baby) there more often!

I'm silly and didn't get a pic of the sink!!!  

Taqueria Arandas in Humble

* * Panic! I'm Prairie Doggin' It.

Taqueria Arandas always sounds like a good idea especially on those Sunday mornings when you and your hubby plan on having a relaxing and lazy day together.  But when you AND your husband both find yourselves running to the shitter 5 minutes after you inhale those Migas, you start to rethink your decision! Baaaaad idea, BAD!

Taqueria Arandas' horchata is really to die for and the main reason I go, but everything else on the menu is just so so.  The portions are small which I like and the service is usually pretty good.  But that's not why you're reading this blog...

Their BS is total BS!  It's located in the far back left corner of the restaurant.  There's a men's and women's room.  When I first visited TA their bathrooms must have been under construction because it was a one stall bathroom and the box the new toilet came in was still in the stall.  The next time I visited they had made it into a two stall bathroom!  Thank God.

The women's room is fucking disgusting, to put it mildly.  Like I said, there's two stalls but the bathroom is dead silent.  There's purse hooks and a changing station and even a lock on the main door so if you happen to find yourself in a CRISIS SITUATION with a DIARRHEA EXPLOSION you need to tend to, you can lock that door and take care of it.  The toilets and sinks are all new, but the entire bathroom just feels dirty and sticky!  I can't explain why, I really can't, but do you know what I'm talking about?  A sticky bathroom???  Not stinky, STICKY.  And something else totally weird and completely FOU. UL is that there's always random puddles of water on the floor, usually somewhere around the toilet.  Or IS it WATER?!?  Gross.  Who knows, but someone needs to get their ass in here with a mop and take care of this shit because it's NASTY!

I have this weird thing about being on the same level with something filthy or disgusting.  Like if I'm walking down a dirty street or standing over a dirty drain at work, I'm ok because the filth is far away from me and I'm standing tall over it, BUT when I bend down to say pick something up off the floor or on the street and I'm level with the filth it becomes too much for me.  IT'S TOO MUCH!!!   Another example, standing OVER the toilet at home and scrubbing it clean, that I'm fine with, it's when I have to bend down and get level with the bowl and clean around the base is when I totally FREAK out!  Taking out the trash, no problem!  Cleaning out the trash can... totally nasty!  The filth is too close for comfort.

This is what I experience at many bathrooms around the city.  I can walk into a stall and at first glance, standing over the toilet, the BS seems fine.  It's when I sit down on the toilet I start to realize just how close that waste bin is to my nose, you know, that OPEN bin with all those used tampons in it!!!  Yeah, and the trash can on the floor is sometimes ALMOST touching my legs, GROOOOOOSSSSSS!  And those strange, unknown puddles of liquid on the floor seem to be right under my nose.  OH GOD, I'M OFFICIALLY FREAKIN' OUT!

Does anyone else feel that way?

Anyway, it's important to not judge a bathroom situation unless you fully experience it.  And by fully experiencing it I mean sitting down on the toilet and taking a long nice dump!  So that's my service to you guys.  I'll go into any Bathroom Situation and I'll take that dump for you and I'll let you know where it's safe to GO!  And I'm telling you right now, Taqueria Arandas IS NOT A PLACE YOU WANT TO GO!!!!  And from what I hear, the women's room sounds better than the men's!  I heard they had one toilet and it's a small one, and it rocks or moves around when you're on it!  NO GOOD people, no good.  So of course I would recommend you get your Migas and Horchata to go and take your dump in the comfort of your own home.

Barnaby's Cafe

* * * * Doin' the Potty Dance

The original Barnaby's Cafe is located on Fairview and their breakfast cafe called Baby Barnaby's is located right next door.  I absolutely LOOOOVE Barnaby's food.  When I ate meat I would get the Lebanese Chicken Fattoush salad or one of their delicious burgers.  Now I'm all about their Spinach and Cheese lasagna!!!  They've got the most amazing fries and desserts and many vegetarian options which includes 4 different burgers like the falafel burger and the black bean burger.  And you just can't beat the god damn Juevos Rancheros at Baby Barnaby's!  I'll tell you what though, you better call that shit in and get it to go!  The original location and the baby barnaby's have such a bad BS (bathroom situation) that I can't even go back to give it a full review.  From what I remember the bathrooms are down these tiny little halls and the bathrooms themselves aren't much bigger than the hall.  The floors are slanted and you feel like you're a kid in a fun house trying to balance yourself as you take a shit.  There's just one women's and one men's room and the place is always packed. And this is an establishment that sells beans and diuretics!  Remember what I think about that, so yeah, that's not gonna work for me.  Good thing Barnaby's has opened several other locations with much better BSs!

This review is for the Barnaby's Cafe on West Gray.  The BS was easy to find, on your left as soon as you walk in, just past a few booths.  It had 2 stalls, one handicapped.  It was super spacious and they even had a booth bench for those of you who NEED to sit down while you wait.  You know, if you got that turtle head or prairie dog action going on and you need a little extra help holding it in.  The BS was very clean and they had some loud music playing!  YEA, you can poop to the beat!   The walls to the stalls went all the way down to the floor for that extra privacy and the toilet paper was well stocked, I think the dispenser held like 8 rolls or something ridiculous like that.  I was super impressed with Barnaby's BS!  I can't give it a five star rating however because Buc-ee's is a five star BS and this doesn't even compare to Buc-ee's.  Plus, there wasn't a changing table and the extra space in the bathroom was used for storage.  Buc-ee's would NEVER do that.  But this Barnaby's Cafe is such an improvement from the original Barnaby's BS.  They've come a long way and for that I want to congratulate them!  

What's up with this BS?!

A friend snapped this shot of the men's room at Fitzgeralds.  He could barely get the toilet AND the toilet paper dispenser in the same picture.  I hope this is a joke!  

I snapped this one morning walking into Officer Donut in Humble.  Uuuum, I don't think so.

And this was taken at Jiffy Lube in Kingwood.  I don't feel comfortable with this situation, can I have my car back?

Agora

* * Panic! I'm Prairie Doggin' It.

You know you're getting old when you are no longer willing to compromise your comfort for cool.  

Agora is a coffee house in the Montrose/Westheimer area that also serves a variety of adult beverages and desserts.  Agora used to be where I went when I wanted to sip on some flavored coffee and smoke my little cigarillos whilst I reflected on life and journaled.  Aaahhhh, to be 20 again! 

I recently visited my old hang out thinking I'd love it just as much as I did back in the day but . . . that wasn't the case.  

It's a tad crowded and the furniture is uncomfortable and like I said, comfort is something you value more the older you get I think.  And then there's the BS!!! 

I really really really can't imagine a worse bathroom situation than a dirty one staller where others are free to come in and form a line and wait for you to finish your business!!!  That kind of pressure is TOO MUCH!  There was a BS I visited once that was just like what I described EXCEPT you had to get an employee to let you in.  This was at some pharmacy in the Heights, a CVS or Walgreens, one of those.  And when the employee let me in with their special key there was a crazy women already in the stall!  So I was left there to listen and wait for her to finish WRAPPING HER BODY.  WITH TOILET PAPER!!!!!!!!  Literally, I was locked in a bathroom with a crazy woman!!!!!  OMG, I'm starting to get anxiety just thinking about it.  

Anyway, Agora's BS is not quite that bad so I gave it a two star rating.  I just don't understand what people are thinking sometimes.  Why make it a one staller open to the public?  Put a lock on the door OR make it a two or three staller!  Stupid.  And as crowded as Agora's gets, they really should have more than one stall.

The positive things about this one staller is that it's large and clean and has a place to hang your purse.  They also provide a chair outside the stall for someone to sit while they wait.  Awww, that's nice of them to provide a place for me to park my ass while I wait on the drunk girl in the stall to finish adjusting her pantyhose as she carries on a conversation with her friend standing outside the stall and talking so loud that the whole fucking world can hear their "private" conversation.  One time I actually overheard a girl talking about how she and her boyfriend had so much sex the night before and now her vagina smells like pizza!  AHAHAHAHAHAHA, guuuuuuurl somethings you need to keep to yourself!   Anyway, I'd much rather prefer to park my ass on a TOILET SEAT so I can get this SHIT over with and get the fuck out of here.  But thanks anyway Agora.

To end this on a positive note, the BS did have one of those new hand dryers that's so loud it sounds like a rocket ship taking off and if timed correctly you can drop a deuce when someone's drying their hands and the world will never know you just TOOK AN ENORMOUS SHIT!  : )  Yea!